Selling Security Software
by Mary Schneider
Summary: Imagine Lester and Bobby helping out selling Security software over the phone when they encounter a distraction. Thanks Janet for loaning me these guys. Again this is strictly for enjoyment I make nothing.
1. Chapter 1

Selling Security Software Systems

"Hey Les," Bobby said frowning at his friend, "did you get hung up on again?"

Les looked up at Bobby and grinned, "No just the opposite, I think I'm in love."

"What? You're supposed to be selling software not falling in love. Didn't they explain that to you in training?"

Lester sighed and starting writing on the call sheet.

"Well," egged Bobby," give it up, what started this?"

Les looked at his monitor. "That phone call."

Bobby raised his eyebrows. "You need to explain that."

"It was a girl, I talked to her about the system and she just kept getting me distracted."

"Now how did she do that you can't even see her?"

"She had this southern drawl and the way she said things, and my mind just went blank."

"Did she notice?"

"Yes, she started laughing at me." "Then she said that her salesmen distraction

Software was working."

Bobby laughed at that.

"So did you make a sale?"

"Not sure, I'm not even sure what I tried to sell her at this point."

"Lester?" Bobby tilted his head and laughed again.

"My mind went into auto pilot and the last thing I remember was telling her how much I loved snowmobiling."

"You like snowmobiles? I didn't know that." Bobby looked at him.

"I didn't either. I've never been on a snow mobile."

"Are you shitting me?" Bobby said.

"I wish I was." he stared at the monitor screen. "I'm supposed to call her back next Wednesday after her Tech guy gets back from Wisconsin or something like that."

Les hesitated. "Bobby, maybe you better call her next week."

"Why?"

"I might get engaged."

"Wait a minute. Give me that number."

Why what are you going to do?"

"Well, as your supervisor," he snorted, "I think I need to do a customer satisfaction survey."

"What are you talking about, you're not my supervisor and we don't do those on the phone."

"She doesn't know that." He started dialing the phone.

Les left the room and hid in the break room. He waited and waited and finally slowly walked back into the call room.

Bobby was sitting there with his head in his hands.

"So, what happened?" he asked Bobby.

Bobby lifted his head and looked at Les. "I told her my dog's names."

"You don't have any dogs." Les said grinning.

They both laughed.

"Man," Bobby sighed, "I see what you mean by distracted."

"That woman could make a fortune on phone sex."

"Dumbass, she works at a church." Lester laughed.

"Oh, by the way Les," Bobby continued.

Les looked at him.

"She enjoyed talking to you and said you were very friendly and sweet."

"Ah shit." Les blushed. "Did she tell you the chicken joke?"

Bobby shook his head, "no she told me a sink joke. What do you do if a sink knocks on you door."

"Ok, what?"

"You let that sink in."

They both laughed.

"Wait, wait," said Lester. "There were these two rednecks and one of them was carrying a bag. The other one asked what he had in the bag and the first one said chickens. The other one asked him how many he had and the first one said if you can guess how many chickens I have in this bag I'll give you both of them.

Bobby and Les were laughing hysterically.

Suddenly a red light flashed on Bobby's monitor as a voice echoed in their headsets.

"You do know that this has all been recorded don't you?" They heard Tank say slowly. "Both of you Ranger's office now you are having entirely too much fun to leave us out."

Bobby looked at Lester and grinned. "Take that phone number with you," he said.

Les had just taken a sip of water and spit it everywhere.

They laughed all the way to Ranger's office.

"We need to let the Boss do the next sales call."


	2. Chapter 2

Again these guys belong to Janet E. And I make nothing off of this.

 **Chapter 2 Reviewing the sales call**

Tank dragged a reluctant Lester and Bobby into Rangers office.

"Ok, what's this about." Ranger asked looking up from his laptop.

Tank slapped Lester on the back of the head. "Spill it lover boy."

"Well, you know how you had us helping out and making calls on the new Security Software package we got?"

"Yes," replied Ranger.

"You said we should learn how to deal with clients even before they are clients or something like that?"

Ranger frowned. "Go on."

Bobby and Tank were struggling to keep a straight face.

"Well I was kind of flirting with this girl."

"Of course you were." Ranger said rubbing his forehead.

"Tank do you have the tapes," Ranger asked.

Tank nodded. He queued up the tapes from Lester's computer. For some reason the only part that was recorded was Lester's side of the conversation.

Hi, my name is Lester Santos and I am calling for Rangeman Security. Is this Mary Sanders?

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Great, we are following up on online information requests and wanted to know if you had any questions that I could answer. And by the way we have a special price if you sign up before Easter.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

What? No, yes Daffodils and Tulips.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Right, if it doesn't snow.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Where in Alaska?

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Skiing no, I really like snowmobiles more.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Seattle,

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Anytime you want.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Yes, I'm transparent. I swear I wouldn't ever play possum on you.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Yes, I bet you're beautiful, I mean it's beautiful up there.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Why did I call, Uh I'm having trouble remembering.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Oh right security, sorry I was drawing a blank there.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Salesman Distraction software, now that's funny.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

You could hear Lester giggle on the tape.

They all looked at Lester who was now setting on the other side of Rangers desk with his face in his hands.

Swamp People, huh. Not really familiar with them.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Yes we can draw up a proposal.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Can I check back with you next Wednesday.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Lester Santos and I really enjoyed talking to you too.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

That was really funny,

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Love you too, Uh, I mean love it too. Sorry.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The call ended.

The room was silent.

"I can't even begin to imagine the other side of that conversation." Ranger glared at Lester.

He looked over at Bobby, "What was your part in this," he asked.

"Well I called her to do a satisfaction survey,"

Ranger shook his head. "Shit Bobby"

"My conversation wasn't quite like Lester's but I did tell her the name of my dogs."

Ranger looked at him. "When did you get dogs?"

"I don't have any dogs."

"Why did you tell her their names then?" Ranger was rubbing his head again.

"Honestly Boss, this woman has phone skills you wouldn't believe."

"She's got this southern drawl going and you can just hear the honeysuckle dripping from her lips." Lester added.

Ranger coughed and started laughing. "The what?"

"Honeysuckle, you know Honeysuckle." Lester whined.

"Santos you lost it." Tank chuckled.

"Santos you will call her back next Wednesday with a proposal and you will apologize to her for that call."

"Ah Ranger can't Woody do it?"

"Why Woody?"

"He speaks her language you know, Southernese maybe he can get past the distraction software." Lester was starting to sweat.

"Santos get out of here, you're giving me a headache." Ranger growled.

As Lester was walking out the door he stopped when he heard Ranger ask Tank a question.

"Tank, do we have enough lumber to build a crate?"

"I'm sure I can round up enough." Tank was smiling at Lester.

"Oh, and you might want to put a heater in this one."

"Why boss?" Tank turned his head and looked at Ranger.

"I hear it gets cold in Alaska this time of year."


	3. Chapter 3

Forgive me everyone. It just seemed appropriate. Thanks Janet for letting me borrow these guys. Feel free to laugh. I don't get anything for this.

 **Chapter 3 Proposal April 1**

Bobby walked up behind Lester. He watched Les as he bent over cleaning the floor in front of his monitor. He was wearing a suit and even had a rose in his lapel.

"What are you doing Les?" he asked."

"What does it look like?" Lester growled.

"I can't even guess," Bobby said.

"I'm getting ready for that proposal Ranger told me to make."

Bobby had to put his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing out loud. He turned and walked quickly into Tanks office shut the door and fell on the floor laughing.

"What the hell's wrong with you," Tank yelled at him. "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

Tank had never seen Bobby laugh so hard. Pretty soon he was laughing with him. "It… It… It's Les." Bobby howled.

Ranger was on the other end of the phone with Tank. He could hear Bobby laughing then Tank giggling and laughing.

"Get off the floor Bobby." Tank snorted. "Help me Ranger," Tank gasped and let out a loud burst of laughter.

"Shit," Ranger said and slammed down the phone. He got up and headed toward Tanks office.

He opened the door and went in closing it behind him. Tank was sitting on the floor laughing so hard tears were running down his face. Bobby was laying on the floor holding his hands over his mouth trying to stop the laughter.

"It's Les." Bobby tried sitting up again only to fall backwards laughing.

"Bobby get a grip." Ranger said smiling at him as Bobby rolled face down on the floor gasping.

Ranger leaned over and rolled Bobby over on his back again. "Can you clarify that a little bit?" he asked trying not to laugh at his friend.

"You, you told Les to call that girl with a proposal today." Bobby sat up.

"And,"

"That's what he doing." Bobby howled falling over again. Tank joined him.

"What?"

Ranger turned, opened the door and went toward Lester's cubicle. When he turned the corner there was Lester down on one knee with his headset on talking to someone. He had his hands folded on his heart.

Ranger stood there listening to Les, he rolled his eyes and went back to Tank's office.

As he went in he grabbed Tanks laptop and dropped down on the floor next to Bobby. Tank crawled over. "You got to see this." Ranger said turning the monitor around and queuing up the main room. He enlarged the screen. There was Lester down on one knee apparently singing to someone on the phone with him.

Ranger shook his head and laughed out loud. Hearing Ranger laugh made Tank and Bobby start all over again. Pretty soon all three of them were gasping for breath.

Just as they were beginning to get themselves back under control, the door flew open and Les ran in.

"Guys, Guys," he yelled," I'm engaged. She said yes."

Three sets of eyes stared at him in amazement. Stephanie walked in after Les and started giggling. Les started giggling at the three men sitting on the floor with their mouths open.

"April Fools" Les and Stephanie shouted together laughing and sharing a fist bump.

Ranger jumped up "Get him Tank," he yelled.

Tank and Bobbie jumped up and grabbed Les. With Ranger in the lead they headed down the hall dragging Lester. They shoved him in the elevator and went down to the parking level. Stephanie ran down the steps after them and got there at about the same time as the elevator.

When the guys reached the parking level they picked Les up and shoved him into the waiting crate. He was yelling and cussing," Help me Step, You said this would be funny it's a joke, its April Fool's day guys.

Stephanie sucked in a breath as all eyes swiveled toward her. Ranger slowly walked over and stood in front of her. "Do you think that was funny?" Stephanie was stammering and turning red.

"Yes" she finally said weakly. Suddenly Tank and Bobbi grabbed her and lifted her up into the crate with Les.

"Your right, hey this is funny," Tank shouted as they hammered the lid on the crate.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 The Crate

Stephanie and Lester sat down in the bottom of the crate. Stephanie was hoarse from screaming and Lester was hoarse from begging.

"Damn Jackasses," he said. "Can't take a joke."

Stephanie leaned against the side of the crate. "Les, do they really send people places in these crates."

"Afraid so," he said pulling a bag out from behind him.

"What's in there?" Steph asked.

"If I could see I'd tell you," Les said sarcastically.

"Don't get snippy with me," Stephanie growled.

"Oh, so you're already getting an attitude."

"Look who's talking, Mr. Attitude himself." She snapped

"At least mine is better than yours." Les croaked.

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Is certainly not." Steph yelled indignantly.

"Hah, do you think that changes anything?" Les laughed.

"What?" Stephanie glared at him even though she could barely see him in the dark crate.

"Cuertainly, makes it sound like the three stooges."

"Well, you would know." She chuckled trying to see his face in the dark.

"What do you mean by that?"

"So which one are you?" she asked. "Moe, Larry or Curly Joe."

"When I was a kid my mom would put at bowl on my head and cut my hair, maybe I looked a little like Moe."

"I was always curly Joe," Steph said tugging at her hair.

"You still are."

"What's that supposed to mean."

"What part of what I said do you not understand?" Now he was glaring at her.

"It's dark in here."

"Ok Captain Obvious."

Les dug around in the bag and pulled out two head bands with lights attached.

He handed one to Stephanie. She turned it on and blinded herself.

"Good grief." She yelled.

Les grabbed it away from her and shoved it on her head. Then turned it on.

"Bet you were a lousy girl scout."

Stephanie stuck her lip out at him. "I bet I was a better girl scout than you were a boy scout."

"You win that bet, I was never a boy scout." He grinned. "Ric and I got kicked out of the boy scouts."

"Why."

"Cause we were always fighting and beating up on each other."

Stephanie laughed. "Did you two get in trouble a lot?"

"There was a whole lot of stuff we did growing up that we got in trouble for."

"What was Ric like back then?" Steph asked.

"He liked to read, a lot. He thought a lot. Sometimes the rest of us kids would make fun of him cause we would be talking and he would be off thinking somewhere."

"My mom said he had to think twice as much to get us out of trouble because I never did."

"So why do you do that?"

"What?"

"Act before you think." Stephanie said.

"Damn, if I had a mirror, I would shove it in your face."

"I don't do that." She growled. "I always think first."

"Yes but the way you think is so convoluted you might as well not even do it because you still do the same thing you would have if you didn't think, it just takes longer."

"What?" this time she was glaring at him.

Les dug around in the bag some more. He pulled out a deck of cards.

"Want to play cards?" He asked

"I don't want to play with you."

"Tough shit, I'm the only one here and these are my cards."

"Those aren't yours."

"Do you see anybody else holding a deck of cards?"

"What are we going to play?" She asked.

"I though you said you didn't want to play with me."

"Stupid, I don't have a choice."

"Hey watch it I'm way better than stupid." Les whined.

"Not much." Stephanie got on her knees. "My butt is getting numb."

"Sit on that." Les said handing her a sleeping bag.

"This bag is awfully lumpy."

"Well unzip it and spread it out a little."

Stephanie unzipped the bag and started pulling on it. She reached in to pull out whatever was causing the lump. She jerked out her hand. "Snake, Snake," she screamed as she crawled over Les and shoved her way behind him.

Les got on his hands and knees and crawled slowly over to the sleeping bag. He picked up one corner and shook it. A snake fell out. He screamed and jumped backwards shoving Stephanie back against the side of the crate.

They both froze watching the snake. When it didn't move Les finally crawled back over and poked it.

"Damn, that's not funny. It's a rubber snake."

They both sat against the wall watching the snake.

"Les"

"What?"

"Did you ever wonder about stuff?"

"All the time but like what."

"Oh like, if you were a cannibal what would you eat first?"

Les crawled to the other side of the crate. "Sometimes you scare me. That's just sick."

Stephanie started digging thru the bag. "I'm hungry." She dragged out a bag of malted milk balls.

She was trying to open it and when she pulled the bag apart the milk balls went everywhere.

"Five second rule," Les said crawling around chasing the milk balls.

"Yuck that didn't taste right," he said as he spit out what he thought was a milk ball.

"More like a rat turd."

"Les."

"What?"

"Why would you know what a rat turd tasted like?"

"Once you tasted one you never forget."

"I'm going to be sick." Stephanie squeaked feeling her stomach flip.

About that time you could hear the boards being pried off the top of the crate.

Tank and Bobby looked down into the crate.

"OK, are you two ready to come out of there.

Steph and Les both sat and looked up at them.

"We aren't talking to you." Les said.

Stephanie crossed her arms over her chest.

"Ok we'll just celebrate without you." Tank and Bobbie disappeared.

Steph and Les slowly stood up and peered over the edge of the crate.

The crate was sitting on the beach. You could see the sun setting over the ocean. There was a fire going and the majority of Rangeman employees and their families were there. Children ran and yelled on the beach and the sound of laughter could be heard.

Grills were sat up with tubs of iced beer, water and soda sat near benches and tables filled with food. There was a big screen sat up for a movie later. Right now videos from Rangeman offices were playing. Les jumped up and swung his legs out of the crate and disappeared. He headed for the nearest tub of beer. When he sat down a video flashed on the screen. The video was of Lester on his knees with his hand on his heart. An audio message followed. "Best April Fool's Joke ever". A picture of Ranger, Tank and Bobbie sitting on the floor with their mouths open staring at Les followed. A cheer went up from the crowd on the beach.

Stephanie felt two strong hands lifting her out of the crate. Ranger's arms encircled her. He lifted her up and carried her toward the fire. She looked up at him and grinned. "You are so in trouble."

"I know," he said smiling down at her, "and I so need to be punished."


End file.
